If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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