just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
