Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
