the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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