i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
