When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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