just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
