He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
