Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
