just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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