He had one of those small greek statue penises
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
