So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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