I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
