did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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