One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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