Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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