DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
