so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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