I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
time to smoke my breakfast
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
