found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
