dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
