She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
