D3 body, D1 cock
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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