shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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