You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
