How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
birth control should be required to get into college
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
