New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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