...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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