she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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