She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
