You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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