I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
