If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's paint friendship bongs
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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