You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize