OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
