I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
