a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
