I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
