I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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