I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
