Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
