Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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