Sry I called you an 8
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
