i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
