She's like a pop up book from hell.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
