What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
