Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
