Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
