just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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