'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
