I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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