Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
