The maid of honor just puked.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
