batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
