Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
