Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
