We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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