I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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