my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
