We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
