He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
