the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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