it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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