it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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