No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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